Divorce The Childs Point of View
On the other hand, economic opulence has not been able to make up for lack of affection and mental insecurity. Children have very well-defined priorities in life. They arrange their day-to-day existence entirely according to the availability of these priorities. A divorce is an alien concept for them, and shatters this carefully built lifestyle. In the following, their reactions and perceptions on divorce have been dealt with in greater detail. Grasping the Concept It has been proved conclusively by all government and private surveys that every child is affected by divorce irrespective of circumstances.
The effect varies from case to case, but in general, children are unhappy by divorce. To make matters worse, they may not be able to grasp the concept itself, and develop their own meanings for it. According to them, fathers and mothers make up an inseparable unit. It is beyond their imagination that this unit may decide to part company mutually. Some of the interpretations of divorce by children are given below:
Divorce – The Child’s Point of View
- Parents are angry when the child does something wrong.
Divorce, therefore, may be a result of some sort of wrong-doing on part of the child, which is so bad that the parents are not even explaining it. But their anger is evident, and that is why the child is being punished by being deprived of the company of the parents or the parent concerned.
- On the other hand, one of the parents might have done something wrong, thus the other one is angry. This in itself is a novel concept since parents are not supposed to go wrong in the first place. A parent's crime would be beyond the comprehension of a child, and would totally shake up his or her world view forever.
- If the reason for the drastic changes does not lie within the family, the child tries to figure out what the external threat may be and eradicate it.
In the case of extramarital affairs, this blame falls directly on the third person concerned. It has been often noted that the child continues to hold on to his or her grudge even after everyone else has accepted the situation and its implications.
- The worst part is if the cause for the divorce cannot be identified clearly. Mutual differences of opinion, work pressure, incompatibility etc. are just not valid reasons for a divorce as far as the child is concerned. The parents both become offenders in their eyes now, for having inflicted pain on them and destroyed their way of life wilfully for no good reason. Exceptions Are there any exceptions to these rules? This depends entirely on the circumstances of the divorce. Some possible scenarios have been listed in the following:
Reactions What do children do to express themselves? A child will rarely voice his or her opinion in the terms that adults associate with divorce. Usual reactions are:
- In an abusive marriage, the child is often the most traumatised party. Even if he or she is not directly abused, the child usually sides with the tortured partner, and feels relieved on being allowed to escape from this hell.
- Children can comprehend the effect of emotional and social oppression. In an unequal marriage, the child is not only disadvantaged, but is also instinctively on the side of the underdog. In such cases too, divorce is welcomed.
- If a marriage has lost its value entirely and there is no bonding between the parents, the child may not be torn apart by the divorce. In fact, they may be able to adapt better to the new life than the custodian parent.
- Parents who are constantly bickering are not good company. Three is definitely a crowd where the child is concerned, and it is a relief to see that the adults have stopped fighting because they are not being allowed to stay together.
- Sudden Better or Worse Performance in Studies: Either it is an attempt to 'make up' for a crime, or a strategy to draw attention.
- Sleeping and Eating Disorders: The child tries to punish himself, and also wants attention.
- Increased activity or complete withdrawal from peer groups.
- Teenagers may respond by turning to drugs, drinks, crime or gang activities. Smaller children may wet their beds and stop communicating.
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com
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