8 Steps to Scoring Big in a Bar
by Melissa Darnay
If youre single, youve probably gone to a singles
bar at some point in your life, hoping to make a love connection.
But what determines whether tonight will be your lucky night?
Chance? Kismet? Maybe. But most times it has more to do with
skill than luck.
After hundreds of hours in bars, pubs and nightclubswatching
thousands of singles in actionIve unlocked the little-known
secrets of finding romance at your favorite watering hole. In
fact, my research was so successful, that Im now able
to walk into any bar, and within minutes, I can tell who is
going to get lucky
and who is going home empty handed.
Because lets face it, theres nothing better than
the intoxicating butterflies that flutter in your stomach when
your new love interest gives you that morning after
Catching those butterflies isnt as hard as it seems. Whether
youre trying to enhance your dating life or meet the sweetheart
of your dreams, theres an art to scoring big at a bar.
And believe it or not, you dont have to be ravishingly
beautiful to get lucky. You just need to know how to play the
game so you come out ahead.
Yes, you read that right. Dating is a game. Just like chess,
scoring big in a bar takes a winning strategy. Heres an
easy eight-step process thatll help you score big in the
love department. Because lets face it, if you want the
Monarchs to be dancing in your belly tomorrow morning,
you need to learn how to play the dating game pronto, before
someone else beats you to the prize.
1. Look Your Best. If you think about it, singles bars are called
meat markets for a reason. Youre the meat
and you have to display your wares to make shoppers
want to buy. Grunge might be comfortable, but after age 25,
the frumpy look wont get you to first base.
Men, wearing a sports coat will give you a competitive advantage.
Why? Because women like men who look successful and confident.
By sporting a classier look than your brethren, youll
come out on top. Women, I have three words for you: show some
skin. Dont even think about wearing a turtleneck to a
Lets face it, after 30, very few of us have the hard-bodied
figures we once did, but that doesnt mean you need to
hide your assets. Even if youre a little plump, its
better to show your skin than to hide behind a bolt of frumpy
2. Limit Your Alcohol. Although a drink or two can lower your
inhibitions, drinking too much will send the wrong impression.
And falling off the barstool is a definite no-no. If you tend
to drink more when youre nervous, try alternating between
your favorite drink and a club soda with lime. No one has to
know that theres nothing stronger than carbonation in
3. Exude Confidence. Self-confidence is crucial if you want
to be lucky in love. If you have a swagger in your walk, and
a cocky tilt to your chin, your Rolodex will bulge with prospects.
So how do you exude confidence when youre trembling inside?
There are two strategies that work well. First, fake it til
you make it! Yes, thats right, just pretend to have confidence,
and amazingly, others will perceive you as self-confident. And
then pretty soon, that confidence will be real.
Second, deal from strength. After all, youre probably
the best at something. Maybe youre the smartest person
in the room. Or maybe you know you can beat just about anyone
at Backgammon. Or maybe you can solve complicated algorithms
in your head. Maybe youre a true native in a town of transplants.
Whatever youre good at, borrow that confidence, and when
you walk into a bar, hold your head high knowing theres
no one else quite like you.
4. Cross the Great Divide. Amazingly, I see both men and women
who go to a bar or singles party in the hopes of meeting someone
new, but then they spend the entire evening either by themselves
or talking to the same-sex person they came with.
Newsflash: if you go to the trouble of being showered, shaved
and cologned, you might as well take action. An important step
in meeting someone new is actually saying hello. Instead of
thinking, I wish that person would come up and talk to
me, take the initiative and be the one who breaks the
Something as simple as a smile and a hello will work just fine.
Just let your feet do the walking, and break that invisible
barrier between you and the person you want to meet. After all,
you cant meet someone new if you dont even try.
Just keep in mind that dating is a numbers game, and you may
need to chat with more than one person before you make a love
5. Be Friendly. A sparkling personality is worth its weight
inwelldrinks. If youre naturally effervescent,
keep it up, and it wont be long before love finds you.
If youre not, it just takes a bit more work.
It helps to look good and feel great. Then keep a smile on your
face and focus on other people. One key to being a great conversationalist
is to ask interesting questions. Things like, What do
you do for a living? And Where are you from?
will spark other questions or things you have in common.
Another way to score points in the friendly category is to be
up on current events. This doesnt mean you have to be
a news junkie, but it helps to be abreast of current topics.
With 24-hour news stations and breaking news on the Internet,
it shouldnt take long to become well-versed in the topics
du jour. Oh, one note of caution: unless someones political
affiliation is a deal-breaker for you, stay away from politics
6. Men, Whip Out Your Wallet. Can I buy you a drink?
is a sure sign of interest. Being too cheap to ask will get
you a cold shoulder, followed by a cold shower
This is where you need to walk a fine line. There are certainly
women out there who want free drinksand nothing else.
So how can you tell the difference between a woman who is using
you to get free drinks, and someone who is really interested?
By reading her body language. Is she looking directly at you,
with dilated pupils and unblinking eyes, or is she looking somewhere
else? Is she leaning into you, or is she pulling away from you?
(For the entire scoop on body language, see Chapter 3 in Dating
If her body language is positive, ask her if shed like
something to drink. Then, while youre sharing your first
drink together, exchange business cards. If she doesnt
have a card (or doesnt want to give you one), ask for
a way to contact her. If shes hesitant to give an email
address or cell phone number, chances are good that she has
no intention of seeing you again, so put your wallet away and
If she readily gives you a way to contact her, youll score
more points by being generous than by being frugal. And if you
really want to score big, offer to call her a cab at the end
of the evening, just to make sure she gets home okay.
7. Be Honest. If youre not interested in someone, its
better to make a graceful exit that to waste that persons
time. Something as simple as, Ive enjoyed talking
to you, but its time for me to go mingle, lets the
other person know that there youre not seeing stars.
Honesty is always the best policy, because if you say youre
going to the bathroom and then never come back, you might end
up with a stalker on your hands. If youre the person being
dumped, be gracious about it. Just because someones not
interested in you right now, doesnt mean things wont
change at some point in the future.
Because most of us tend to frequent the same places, chances
are good that you may see that person again. Keep in mind that
if you get angry and say something mean, youll never make
it past hello next time, so it pays to be nice.
8. Have Fun. Instead of putting unnecessary pressure on your
big night out, give yourself a break. After all, tonight is
only one night out of your life. Instead of having unrealistic
expectations, grab a same-sex friend, and plan on having a good
time. Without the pressure of having to find someone in five
hours or less, youre more likely to enjoy yourself.
Plus, when youre laughing, talking and smiling, youre
more approachable than when youre nervous or tense. After
all, wouldnt you rather chat with someone whos laughing
than someone whos sitting in the corner alone, looking
desperate and lonely?
Now that you know the eight easy steps to scoring big in a bar,
get out there and do it. The first step toward winning the game
is actually going out there and playing it. And just like any
other game, this one takes practice. So if you dont meet
someone tonight, remember this
theres always tomorrow!
About The Author
Melissa Darnay is a dating coach, a matchmaker, and a relationship
humorist. For more information about Melissa or her latest book,
Dating 101: The Instant Cure for Romance Blues,
go to www.CupidsGuide.com.
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